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| A bit late on the update, but I've been swamped with hours and life.
This year I actually went out to the tournament. I haven't gone in years, and last year I decided to give it a miss because I didn't want to risk running into people I might know. But it's been two years since the divorce and I'm back on my feet again. I wanted to see how things have changed. It hasn't really. Same old thing as when I was younger and used to enjoy it. The food is still good as always. It must be something about the Hmong palate. We all seem to get a certain craving around this time of year. I couldn't believe how crowded the food stalls were, but then again, maybe I just had bad timing and met the rush.
I met some old friends and it was nice to catch up and see where everyone is at in life. One of my cousins is also going through a bit of a tough time in her own marriage and thinking of getting a divorce, but it's going to be one long battle. If only they made it this easy to get married. I told her she can call me if she has any questions, but I doubt she'll call. It wouldn't surprise me if she went running back to him. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but once a man goes astray, there's really no turning back. No matter how many chances you give him, he'll eventually go back to his dog ways.
My other friend, the one I wrote about previously who was talking to a married guy, kind of dug her own hole and is now stuck in a messy situation. I want to say I told her so, but I know she'll just get angry, so I'm staying clear of that one.
Life has been pretty routine. In light of everything going on, I've never been more happy to be unattached.
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| so a girlfriend the other day told me she thinks she might be pregnant.
but as if that wasn't bad enough, the big problem was that she thinks she's falling out of love with the guy who got her pregnant, her boyfriend, and is now falling for another guy. to make matters worse, this other guy is already married with his own family and now considering a divorce.
after pleading with her for days to go and get a checkup, she is still refusing and wants to wait it out. she is pretty sure she might be, but she wants to wait until she can pee on a stick and get a confirmation. and if she is pregnant, she is going to marry her boyfriend despite not really loving him anymore.
in the meantime, she's been spending her free time talking to married guy, even though she convinced his wife that they are no longer going to keep in touch. i bluntly asked her if she is considering a relationship with married guy if he gets his divorce and she said no way, but a part of me is adamant that if he did get a divorce and she wasn't pregnant, she would pursue it.
things like this make me grit my teeth. i don't think we'll be friends anymore. not on the same level anyway.
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| i decided to cut some ties. i spoke to a girlfriend about it and she agrees that it's best. so here's to goodbye and starting over. i'm sorry, this is just something i have to do.
overall, life is good. i got a makeover so that i can start a new life with a new look. i think it makes me look younger. i feel younger at least, and the tips have been great. everyone's digging my new look.
not much to say except for that everything feels good now. it's like i've finally taken a breath of fresh air after all these years. it's cleansing.
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| I'm ok.
I'm just going thruogh a depression.
Happy 4th.
~BX~
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| Dear VL,
You were right. You were always right. I don't know why I didn't believe you when you said he would never change. Now I know he never will. He can't control his demons. They control him. He chose his demons over me- over us. I'm sorry I never believed you.
I know we were never lovers, but you're the best friend I've ever had. You cared for me when no one else did. You loved me despite what I was. It's such a shame that our relationship was always a brother/sister relationship. I could have loved you, and this is a big ask but will you take me? I have no where else to go. I just want to be loved. Don't I deserve some love? I sit here at my computer crying so hysterically because I feel so alone. I've never felt so alone before. Please tell me you'll take me if I come back home and I'll come.
Love, BX
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